He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
