On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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