I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize
