can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
