the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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