i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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