oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
