we have officially lost it.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
You are the jesus of drinking
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize
