Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
