Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
