Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Barsexuality is the new black.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
