there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
