You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
