My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
