If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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