why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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