I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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