YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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