I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize