your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Randomize
