Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
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