you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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