If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
