So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
