Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
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