i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
