what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
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