I can text with my tongue
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
