His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
