I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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