u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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