wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
