I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
