K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
