everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
