i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
