Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
