Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
