At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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