she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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