I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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