You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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