we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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