apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
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Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
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All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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