nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
