Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Randomize
