The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
