Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
