the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
