so let's talk penis.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
