she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
