Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
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if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
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I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
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