So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
