no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
