I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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