I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
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