I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
