i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
