i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
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