I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
