is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Randomize
