The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
