When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
