I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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