Taylor Swift is so right about you.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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