Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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