well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
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