took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
