Pants 0. Shit 1.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
